here it goes...

i was sitting here for almost two hours.
browsing a good song.
thinking of something to write.
to at least have a new post.
i know, it has been so long since the last one.
i just dunno what to write/say/do.
haha...

kay-lar, gimme 7 days from today.
i promise u, there'll be a good post here.

til then, adios everyone
;p

too lil too much...

"I found the secret to happiness, if nothing else works.. Lower your expectations. Set high goals, have big dreams but lower your expectations. Expectations disappoint. We need to have expectations, yes. There would be no purpose of doing anything without anticipating an outcome, but we tend to expect a lot from life because we work so hard at it, which is okay, but you need to understand and be willing to go through a life that will disappoint you all the time or you will end up like the rest of the world, breathing Martyrs.
Your family will disappoint you because you expected more out of them, your friends will disappoint you because they were born for it, your employer because they just don’t recognize pure talent, your colleagues because they must, the bank because they’re minions of all that is evil, your teachers because they didn’t know what they were teaching you to begin with, your wife or husband because they don’t love you, your children because of karma, your neighbors because the bible said they will, the government because its politically correct, god because he created everything and worst of all, yourself, because you didn’t jump off the ledge when you had the chance ." - Eve

i got the entire paragraph from a dear friend. (more like a long lost one ;p). I've read it coupla days back when things are pretty much into place and there is nothing about my expectation that was not meet ( nor that i realised any).

Until today. i wake up feeling so upset and frustrated. Actually i went to bed with one. i dunno. i have always have high expectations and hopes on things. That's how you're drive to strive for more. Looking back, not too way back, just from the beginning of the year, i have to say i have let go so much of my expectations. whether i realised it or not. Whether i want it or not. Guess, it just a form of protection to myself. So iwill always feel safe. So i wont feel the hurt and pain from dissapointment. i have put my expectation way too low that i began to miss many good things in life. And surprisingly i didnt feel so bad about that. And that is bad!!

what have happened to the me inside?
to the 'must-achieved' list for the year?
it is already november (and half of it, gone!) and i have close to nothing to pat my shoulder with.

but what upset me most is, even with the lowest expectation, i still left being frustrated at the end of the day. sigh!

dYna : too much is bad. and how about too little?

I’ve been tagged…!

Thanks to curx. Dengan alasan it has been a while since my last entry. Ok,ok, to all (readers) sorry! I have been, ermmm well, as usual, extremely busy! Not sure with what thou, haha…but time just flies lar these days. As much as I am lazy to fill this up, I’m not gonna cut off the chain. So here we go…

Appearance:

- uuuh..how would I put it ah?

- tall-skinny-dark-indian-looking-malay-gurl…ehehe!

- nicely dress when I’m in a working mood, baby-T and jeans when I’m in my lepak mood, giant-T and jeans when I’m in my selebet mood ;p

- began wearing some traditional top (with jeans haha!) on Friday

- recently adding up some purple, blue, and beige to my totally black wardrobe!

Family/Home Life:

- used to dedicate my life to my family i.e. parents,sibs, aunties, cousins, nieces and nephews.

- well, guess part of me still do. Sigh!

- my ideal Sunday would be waking up @12pm, just in time to catch my CSI Supreme Sunday : 3 in a row. And had my brunch and papers with that. Minus the guilt feeling. Hehe.

School/Work:

- I went to 5 schools, spent 16 months in matrics and 42 months in uni, finally graduated with a degree in Maths.

- have been doing numerous part time job when I was a student : from a boutique to a bakery, from a waitress/hostess to a tele-marketer.

- currently attached to a multi-level marketing company.

Embarrassment:

- hmmm….not much. Not that didn’t have any embarrassing moment (a lot actually, haha!) just that I don’t look at it as being embarrassed. More like a lesson to be learnt.

- well, if u really want one, the time when I fall off the stairs during form 2, with my crush looking (actually I fall cause I was looking at him, huargh, huarghh, huarghh!!! ;p)

- came to think of it, most of my embarrassing moments would be falling off the stairs (and there’s this one time @IB!! ;p)

Traveling:

- one of my greatest passion.

- I wish to travel to see the world.

- been around the country, now making my way out.

- best of all, my traveling expense covered, first class! (that’s why I looooove my job!! hehe!!)

- am flying to Beijing in 15 days! Yippppieee…!!

Experiences:

- been thru quiet a lot in life. From the i-dun-wanna-remember-childhood to losing-soulmates to broken-hearted. I have fall and rise again. Make me the person I am today.

Relationships:

- had 2 major crushes (each one lasted for coupla years) before I had my first relationship.

- didn’t make it thru my first.

- currently happy with my second.

- my advice on long distance : it works, as long as u want it to be.

Sexuality:

- straight!

Crimes:

- Do get caught for ponteng sekolah counted as a crime? If it is, then I have one! Haha ;p

Honesty:

- is the best policy =)

Drugs/Alcohol:

- a big no, no.

Death and Suicide:

- well, been there…..!

Materialism:

- hmmm…let see…the list can go on and on from ipod to handycam, to notebook to the brand new ride to etc etc etc… And having studied economics, necessities overcoming pleasure. Do the math. I did mine. Haha.

Political/Social Attitudes:

- i WAS in a political society before, which lead me to so much corruption and hatred. So decide to quit. There is more to my life than being around with liars and hypocrites.

- was a social butterfly (or still am? Haha!)

Materialism:

- okay I dun quite understand this part as curx began to write about ‘the smell of freshly cut grass’ and ‘drifting’ (what the…?! Haha…)

- but if I have to put anything here it would be, “worry less, live more!”

- it used to be “do unto others as u want others to do unto u”. well, no more that sweet-innocent-naïve-lil-gurl

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:

- perform religious duties

- granted all the wishes my parents, sibs, family members ever have

- set up a fund/scholarship

-shop til I drop!

- be sure my kids are not to be pampered like one! ;p

5 bad habits:

- late riser

- lazy ass

- pemarah

- pendegil

- pen-tipu ;p

5 things I hate doing:

- I hate meeting after meeting after meeting at the mamak!

- I hate waking up late ;p

- I hate hanging ard do nothing.

- I hate people with no manners.

- I hate it when my bf had to go to bed early. (I know it sounded ridiculous but he’s doing it all the time!! ;p)

5 things I'll never do:

- break a promise

- backstab

- had a one night stand

- do drugs/drink

- eat takotao again!! ;p

5 things I regret doing:

- the ending to my friendship and the twins. Sometimes I still wonder, how would it be if we’re still friends to date.

- the ending to my first relationship. How I wish things could have happened differently.

- looking back I know could do better during my uni years.

- for not meeting my Mr.HantuAyam sooner! Haha…

- truth is, I hardly regret any of those. It took me so long to actually think of anything that I regret doing. There’s pro and cons to all.

5 fave toys or things:

- my Kelly

- my handphone (s) ;p

- my precious purse

- my Kingston

- my MNG winter jacket…hehehehe ;p

5 people this tag goes to:

- Mr.HantuAyam (the same reason why I kena tagged in the first place : pasal lamer dh tak update blog! ;p)

- Heska (I’m sure u’ll enjoy doing this, haha!)

- Eve (since u have a blog, why not…!)

- Bee (samer jugak, sbb mmg suker jawab2 soklan nie kan!)

- Shorty (lagi sorang hantu q’naire nih..hah, sila..sila le jawab! ;p)

dYna : All in all, thanx curx for wasting my time doing this! There, a new post. Happy now?!! ;-)